With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
