I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize