How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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