I haven't been this sober since birth.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
