jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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