Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
