Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(618): View more from Illinois

Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.

Fav 22 1518 4480
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(740): View more from Ohio

you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god

Fav 25 7897 1433
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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.

Fav 19 4124 1727
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(817): View more from Texas

I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"

Fav 2 3694 1058
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(520): View more from Arizona

When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.

(1-520): View more from Arizona

Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.

Fav 1 2290 1171
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?

Fav 6 1530 924
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(334): View more from Alabama

The milf did the body paint, come to the bar

Fav 2 1114 608
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(989): View more from Michigan

I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.

Fav 1 518 271
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(317): View more from Indiana

It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!

Fav 0 85 6
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