he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
