So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
