I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
