I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
