mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am midnight drunk by noon
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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