i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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