If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
