when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
