Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
