I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
