to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
