hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
