There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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