Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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