I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
