capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
