I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
