I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
