i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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