Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
