Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
