She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
