I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
