you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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