I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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