I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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