If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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