guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
