Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
