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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Girls should come with a carfax report
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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