btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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