I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
