I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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