I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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