i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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