BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
