Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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