all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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