I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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