We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
