Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
