I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
