glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
